Heavenly Father,
I feel as though I am looking through a fun-house mirror. Everything seems so distorted and unfamiliar. Just when I believe I am starting to figure things out something changes and I'm back on the blind side.
Lord, I'm clearly not a scholar, but I know that confusion is not what You want for my life. You want me to walk clear and free, making right decisions and good choices for my life. You don't want me to walk around in the dark, powerless, and unable to fulfill the purpose you created me for.
So Father, I ask You to clear my head until I see things clearly. Speak to my heart in soft, gentle tones that I can focus on through the noise and distractions. I promise to be listening, following, taking hold of each word, and letting You use it to lead me onto the paths of peace that lead to Your perfect will. Thank You for turning me away from my inner fog and focusing my mind and heart on You. I know that confusion can't stay in the presence of the King of Peace.
Father, I love you!
Amen
Deciphering Me by Brooke Fraser
Friend, it's getting late, we should be going
We've been sat here beneath these flickering neons for hours
while I am cracking their code, you are deciphering me
for i am a mystery, I am a locked room in a tall tower
Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home?
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show we belong?
We belong.
Your telescope eyes see everything clearly
My vision is blurred but i know what i heard echoing all around
while I am tuning you in, you are deciphering me
not such a mystery, not such a faint in a far away sound
Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home?
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show we belong?
We belong.
It's love, it's love that holds us
We will be alright
It's truth, it's truth that shows us
If we'll walk in His light
Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home?
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show we belong?
Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home? (we belong)
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining goes to show we belong?
We belong.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Dancing with the King
Seventeen-year-old Princess Ella was brushing her long beautiful chestnut hair. In a few minutes her lady’s maid, Anna, would come and help her prepare for the wonderful ball tonight. It was a special ball her father, the king, had planned. He had decided it was time for his daughters to meet some eligible princes for future husbands. Sadly, Ella knew he wasn’t referring to her future husband. Instead he was set on matching up Ella’s two older sisters Nicole and Claire.
Nicole was nineteen and had decided at a young age she wasn’t going to marry anyone, she would rather move to India and show poor people that royalty care about them. Ella often looked up to her older sister’s compassion and eagerness to help, but was confused at why she wouldn’t want to be married anyways. Claire, at eighteen, was rather opposite of Nicole, she loved to sneak out of the palace and go down to the stables to ride horses. At least, that’s what she would tell Nicole and Ella, but in the darkness of the night, Ella would often follow her sister in secret. Rather than riding, she would spend the entire night talking with the stable boy, Nathan. Or on the odd occasion they would go riding together. And it was clear that Claire would rather marry the low stable boy than any prince.
Ella on the other hand would much rather fall in love and have a perfect fairy-tale. She wanted someone to take her to balls, someone to dance with, and someone who would care for her and their children as he ruled his kingdom. But for Ella, it felt like that would never happen. Her father knew her feelings, her father knew everything. He even knew Nicole’s dreams and Claire’s secrets, but he wanted what was best for his daughters. He wanted them to be treated right and cared for. He wanted his two oldest daughters to be treated the way Ella longed to be treated.
“Milady,” Anna’s soft voice distracted Ella’s gloomy thoughts.
“Yes?”
“Would you like me to help you’s dressing?” She asked as she pulled the beautiful silk purple gown from the wardrobe. It has belonged to Ella’s mother many years ago before. Sadly, her mother had died seven years prior. Now, Ella gratefully accepted the offer of help. “Miss’m, is something bothering you?” Anna gently asked.
Ella didn’t often share her thoughts or feelings with anyone aside from her father. But her father seemed too set in his ways. “Why is my father forcing my sisters to find husbands – yet he won’t let me even dance with anyone? I’m only a year younger than Claire! I don’t understand!” She mourned.
“Mmm, milady, if I may…” Anna began rather shyly. I nodded for her to continue as she tightened the corset around my waist. “I believe your father, the great king, knows you far too well. He fears that you will fall in love and forget your father. That all you do will be about the prince. That you’ll forget your responsibilities to your family and care little about what your father wants to teach you. The time will come milady. Your father loves you dearly, and loves dancing with his little princess. I heard him say so ‘imself. He was boasting about spending the whole evenin’ dancing with his beautiful Ella. But trust me Princess, the day will come. He’ll let a prince step in eventually. And he won’t let it be some boy who’ll go hurtin’ you after. He wants the best for you, and he’ll only let the best cut in. But only when the time is right, he loves you!”
By now Anna was finished fixing Ella’s hair into perfect ringlets. She looked beautiful, but her mind was on what Anna had said. Would he really let the perfect prince cut in at the perfect time? It felt like her father would never let her go. However, so far there hadn’t been the perfect prince – so could she blame her father for protecting her? Some princes seemed nice from a distance, but on the inside, they didn’t seem worth the fight with her father.
Hours past, Ella was still sitting at her mirror just thinking and wondering about what Anna had said. A knock on her chamber door startled her. “Ella?” Her father’s strong caring voice was heard from the other side. Ella jumped up to open the door for her father. There he stood, tall with dark brown eyes that showed Ella how much he cared for her. “Are you ready for tonight my love?” He asked. Ella’s worried and confused expression quickly changed into a smile. She knew Anna was right, her father cared so much for her.
“Yes! I am ready.”
“Wonderful! Tonight I only have one daughter to dance with. My precious Ella,” he turned to leave,
“Wait, Father…” Ella reached for her father’s strong arm. He turned to look at her, “I love you!” She embraced him.
“I love you too! More than you can even understand.” He smiled.
The evening soon arrived, as did the many guests. There were princes from all around the kingdom, and all to dance with Princess Nicole and Princess Claire. Both of Ella’s sisters looked beautiful, it was sure all the princes would fall in love with them – if they allowed it. Before the royal entrance, the three sisters and their father stood behind the large double doors leading to the ballroom.
The head guard’s voice could be heard loud and clear, “All rise for Princess Nicole,” Nicole entered, curtsied and stepped to the right. “Princess Claire,” Claire entered, curtsied and also stepped to the right. “And now, our Great King and his youngest Princess Ella,” With my arm wrapped around my father’s, we entered together. I curtsied and he bowed his head in respect for his many guests. I stepped to the right, joining my sisters. Our father gave a short welcome, and commenced the dancing to begin. Immediately princes began to ask my sisters to dance. And immediately, my father took my hand and together we walked to the dance floor.
As we danced I looked around the room, there were so many princes. They all seemed so gentle and kind. A part of me was glad to be dancing with my father, and part of me wished I could dance with a prince. All in a moment my eyes met with a prince’s. I had known that prince for a while, but hardly had a chance to speak to him. In my heart I wanted so badly to dance with him, for him to sweep me off my feet and carry me away.
“Not yet my precious daughter,” my father’s reassured. I looked up, my focus returned to my father, and we continued dancing.
The End
Nicole was nineteen and had decided at a young age she wasn’t going to marry anyone, she would rather move to India and show poor people that royalty care about them. Ella often looked up to her older sister’s compassion and eagerness to help, but was confused at why she wouldn’t want to be married anyways. Claire, at eighteen, was rather opposite of Nicole, she loved to sneak out of the palace and go down to the stables to ride horses. At least, that’s what she would tell Nicole and Ella, but in the darkness of the night, Ella would often follow her sister in secret. Rather than riding, she would spend the entire night talking with the stable boy, Nathan. Or on the odd occasion they would go riding together. And it was clear that Claire would rather marry the low stable boy than any prince.
Ella on the other hand would much rather fall in love and have a perfect fairy-tale. She wanted someone to take her to balls, someone to dance with, and someone who would care for her and their children as he ruled his kingdom. But for Ella, it felt like that would never happen. Her father knew her feelings, her father knew everything. He even knew Nicole’s dreams and Claire’s secrets, but he wanted what was best for his daughters. He wanted them to be treated right and cared for. He wanted his two oldest daughters to be treated the way Ella longed to be treated.
“Milady,” Anna’s soft voice distracted Ella’s gloomy thoughts.
“Yes?”
“Would you like me to help you’s dressing?” She asked as she pulled the beautiful silk purple gown from the wardrobe. It has belonged to Ella’s mother many years ago before. Sadly, her mother had died seven years prior. Now, Ella gratefully accepted the offer of help. “Miss’m, is something bothering you?” Anna gently asked.
Ella didn’t often share her thoughts or feelings with anyone aside from her father. But her father seemed too set in his ways. “Why is my father forcing my sisters to find husbands – yet he won’t let me even dance with anyone? I’m only a year younger than Claire! I don’t understand!” She mourned.
“Mmm, milady, if I may…” Anna began rather shyly. I nodded for her to continue as she tightened the corset around my waist. “I believe your father, the great king, knows you far too well. He fears that you will fall in love and forget your father. That all you do will be about the prince. That you’ll forget your responsibilities to your family and care little about what your father wants to teach you. The time will come milady. Your father loves you dearly, and loves dancing with his little princess. I heard him say so ‘imself. He was boasting about spending the whole evenin’ dancing with his beautiful Ella. But trust me Princess, the day will come. He’ll let a prince step in eventually. And he won’t let it be some boy who’ll go hurtin’ you after. He wants the best for you, and he’ll only let the best cut in. But only when the time is right, he loves you!”
By now Anna was finished fixing Ella’s hair into perfect ringlets. She looked beautiful, but her mind was on what Anna had said. Would he really let the perfect prince cut in at the perfect time? It felt like her father would never let her go. However, so far there hadn’t been the perfect prince – so could she blame her father for protecting her? Some princes seemed nice from a distance, but on the inside, they didn’t seem worth the fight with her father.
Hours past, Ella was still sitting at her mirror just thinking and wondering about what Anna had said. A knock on her chamber door startled her. “Ella?” Her father’s strong caring voice was heard from the other side. Ella jumped up to open the door for her father. There he stood, tall with dark brown eyes that showed Ella how much he cared for her. “Are you ready for tonight my love?” He asked. Ella’s worried and confused expression quickly changed into a smile. She knew Anna was right, her father cared so much for her.
“Yes! I am ready.”
“Wonderful! Tonight I only have one daughter to dance with. My precious Ella,” he turned to leave,
“Wait, Father…” Ella reached for her father’s strong arm. He turned to look at her, “I love you!” She embraced him.
“I love you too! More than you can even understand.” He smiled.
The evening soon arrived, as did the many guests. There were princes from all around the kingdom, and all to dance with Princess Nicole and Princess Claire. Both of Ella’s sisters looked beautiful, it was sure all the princes would fall in love with them – if they allowed it. Before the royal entrance, the three sisters and their father stood behind the large double doors leading to the ballroom.
The head guard’s voice could be heard loud and clear, “All rise for Princess Nicole,” Nicole entered, curtsied and stepped to the right. “Princess Claire,” Claire entered, curtsied and also stepped to the right. “And now, our Great King and his youngest Princess Ella,” With my arm wrapped around my father’s, we entered together. I curtsied and he bowed his head in respect for his many guests. I stepped to the right, joining my sisters. Our father gave a short welcome, and commenced the dancing to begin. Immediately princes began to ask my sisters to dance. And immediately, my father took my hand and together we walked to the dance floor.
As we danced I looked around the room, there were so many princes. They all seemed so gentle and kind. A part of me was glad to be dancing with my father, and part of me wished I could dance with a prince. All in a moment my eyes met with a prince’s. I had known that prince for a while, but hardly had a chance to speak to him. In my heart I wanted so badly to dance with him, for him to sweep me off my feet and carry me away.
“Not yet my precious daughter,” my father’s reassured. I looked up, my focus returned to my father, and we continued dancing.
The End
Change
I would say in the last twelve months, I have experienced the most change in my life – so far! God has tilted my world upside down – although I wouldn’t say it’s all been bad. Some of the changes have been wonderful and some have been very upsetting. So let me go back and recap for you all the changes.
February 2, 2008 my oldest sister, Breanne, got married to a wonderful guy – Chris. They honestly are perfect for each other. I couldn’t imagine anyone better for my big sister and I’m so happy she and Chris ended up together and are now happily married. However in September they set out driving west to Chatham, Ontario. Chris got a job as the Music and Arts Pastor at a church in Chatham, so together they left Calgary, all their friends, and both sets of parents behind and moved away. It’s hard having only short phone conversations with my sister, or the occasional Facebook chat. I miss them and wish they could be here or I could be there, but I know God has them in Ontario for a reason and I have to let them discover that as they seek after Him in their new environment and new world.
In the summer I was forced to grow up a lot. I went on a mission’s trip to Mexico without my parents and I spent the summer working at a Bible camp. In both situations I was forced into responsibility; I needed to take care of my health, make wise choices and be held accountable for my own actions. There were definitely ups and downs of the summer, I found it incredibly hard at times to be smart and know what to do in certain situations – but God helped me to grow more than I could imagine.
Then in the fall the change continued. September started off with me and my mom in Africa which although was amazing – confused me thoroughly. See by the time I was in Africa I was exhausted mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It had been a crazy busy summer and I wasn’t ready to serve in a completely different culture. But again, God really used my inability to teach me about myself, my limits, my weaknesses, and His power, glory, love, and compassion. One of the major realizations in Africa was my future. I was certain I would end up in West Africa working with street kids. But God has a plan and showed me, His plan and my plan might not be the same. For a week while in Uganda we were in Kampala, the capital. I was taking care of local pastor’s children while their parents were at a conference. There was about 300-500 daily and they were honestly adorable. Then for three days we went to the bush to a little village called Nango. I found it very hard to connect with the kids there, not only was there a language barrier, but they were honestly scared of the Muzungos (white people) so I couldn’t even pretend to talk to them or hold the babies because they’d start crying. So I decided the city kids were cuter, but really who am I to even think that? It was clear the Nango kids were craving to be loved, many were orphans, their clothes were torn, and most had large sores on their heads. Then on the drive back to the capital from the little village God really spoke to me. He was telling me that working with street kids will be like working with the Nango kids; hard to reach, untrusting, and scared of me. Which flipped my “life plan” upside down, God told me He knew where I would be in ten years and I didn’t have to worry about it at the moment. He wanted me to let it go. So for now, I’ve let my Africa dream loose – I’ve given it up to God hoping He gave me this huge passion or Africa and for kids for a specific reason.
Schooling also changed for me, I started doing online school rather than simply traditional homeschooling. This forced me to be on top of my school at all times, now I had assignments to hand in by a certain date. Plus my teachers were people different from my mom so I couldn’t just ask her a question or talk out the assignment with her. And an exciting realization that came along with online school was the prospect of a grad. Now I will have an official grad, with a grad dress and all! Starting online school is definitely one of the wonderful changes, I love how it’s prepared me in some areas for any post-secondary education, plus it’s given me a grad class!
More recently since the summer ended, many of my friendships have been redefined. In September my best friend, Brianna, started university. As you can imagine, our worlds flipped as now she has tons of papers, way less time to hang out, and new friends who’s worlds are more similar to her own. It’s not bad, it’s just different! I started talking to other friends more, new friends and friends I hadn’t talked to in a while. Sharon and I started getting closer over the summer. With the help of being in Mexico we spent way more time together and realized how similar we are. And now we still are spending tons of time together, and enjoying every minute of it! I also became friends with many of the people at my second youth group. It seems like now, my friends seem to be around my age whereas last year I had a few friends my age and a ton of friends a couple years younger than me.
My second youth group is definitely a highlight of my week. In April I started joining Brianna as she went to Southview Alliance youth. We attend the Tuesday night, worship and life group. It’s really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Now I talk to people who normally I would have just smiled at, now we’re friends and I talk to them weekly. It’s also opened my eyes to the real world. The girls in my Bonavista small group (whom I love) seem to have problems with school or maybe a family member to share, meanwhile at Southview the girls have all these boys and friend issues. At Bonavista we’ve all grown up together and are fairly sheltered and naïve meaning many friend issues we have would be within the group. But with Southview it’s very different, those girls aren’t as tightly connected and have completely different worlds.
The biggest Bonavista change took place last Sunday, we were all informed our youth pastor – Ryan – had been laid off. This was a huge shock for all of us, and made many of the youth furious. Ryan had led the team to Mexico I was on, then the first weekend we were home a small group of senior high students and Ryan drove up to Wayne, Alberta. It’s a little ghost town where we camped while attended a youth worship event. It was so much fun. After spending so much time with Ryan, he became more of a mentor than a pastor and the friendships amongst myself, my peers, and him have been strengthened. So hearing he was laid off because of our church’s financial issues was devastating for all of us.
Again, it seems like my world has completely changed over the past year – my friends, my schooling, my family, my dreams – it’s all different now. But all these changes have made me stronger, they’ve pushed me and pulled me in ways I may not have wanted to go, but was grateful for. Life is a continuous journey and although there are major highs and major lows, I’ve really been trying to find joy in all circumstances. Things are going to happen and we may not like them but that won’t stop them. We have to remember God has everything under control and He’s got the master plan in action right now, we just don’t see it. The challenges that we face in life may not all be pleasant but we can learn from each event, and grow through them. I know this isn’t the end of my changing world, soon I’ll graduate and I’ll have to decide what’s next in life. It will be exciting, and scary, but I know God has everything under control and He’s the one guiding me anyways, so it’s all okay!
February 2, 2008 my oldest sister, Breanne, got married to a wonderful guy – Chris. They honestly are perfect for each other. I couldn’t imagine anyone better for my big sister and I’m so happy she and Chris ended up together and are now happily married. However in September they set out driving west to Chatham, Ontario. Chris got a job as the Music and Arts Pastor at a church in Chatham, so together they left Calgary, all their friends, and both sets of parents behind and moved away. It’s hard having only short phone conversations with my sister, or the occasional Facebook chat. I miss them and wish they could be here or I could be there, but I know God has them in Ontario for a reason and I have to let them discover that as they seek after Him in their new environment and new world.
In the summer I was forced to grow up a lot. I went on a mission’s trip to Mexico without my parents and I spent the summer working at a Bible camp. In both situations I was forced into responsibility; I needed to take care of my health, make wise choices and be held accountable for my own actions. There were definitely ups and downs of the summer, I found it incredibly hard at times to be smart and know what to do in certain situations – but God helped me to grow more than I could imagine.
Then in the fall the change continued. September started off with me and my mom in Africa which although was amazing – confused me thoroughly. See by the time I was in Africa I was exhausted mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It had been a crazy busy summer and I wasn’t ready to serve in a completely different culture. But again, God really used my inability to teach me about myself, my limits, my weaknesses, and His power, glory, love, and compassion. One of the major realizations in Africa was my future. I was certain I would end up in West Africa working with street kids. But God has a plan and showed me, His plan and my plan might not be the same. For a week while in Uganda we were in Kampala, the capital. I was taking care of local pastor’s children while their parents were at a conference. There was about 300-500 daily and they were honestly adorable. Then for three days we went to the bush to a little village called Nango. I found it very hard to connect with the kids there, not only was there a language barrier, but they were honestly scared of the Muzungos (white people) so I couldn’t even pretend to talk to them or hold the babies because they’d start crying. So I decided the city kids were cuter, but really who am I to even think that? It was clear the Nango kids were craving to be loved, many were orphans, their clothes were torn, and most had large sores on their heads. Then on the drive back to the capital from the little village God really spoke to me. He was telling me that working with street kids will be like working with the Nango kids; hard to reach, untrusting, and scared of me. Which flipped my “life plan” upside down, God told me He knew where I would be in ten years and I didn’t have to worry about it at the moment. He wanted me to let it go. So for now, I’ve let my Africa dream loose – I’ve given it up to God hoping He gave me this huge passion or Africa and for kids for a specific reason.
Schooling also changed for me, I started doing online school rather than simply traditional homeschooling. This forced me to be on top of my school at all times, now I had assignments to hand in by a certain date. Plus my teachers were people different from my mom so I couldn’t just ask her a question or talk out the assignment with her. And an exciting realization that came along with online school was the prospect of a grad. Now I will have an official grad, with a grad dress and all! Starting online school is definitely one of the wonderful changes, I love how it’s prepared me in some areas for any post-secondary education, plus it’s given me a grad class!
More recently since the summer ended, many of my friendships have been redefined. In September my best friend, Brianna, started university. As you can imagine, our worlds flipped as now she has tons of papers, way less time to hang out, and new friends who’s worlds are more similar to her own. It’s not bad, it’s just different! I started talking to other friends more, new friends and friends I hadn’t talked to in a while. Sharon and I started getting closer over the summer. With the help of being in Mexico we spent way more time together and realized how similar we are. And now we still are spending tons of time together, and enjoying every minute of it! I also became friends with many of the people at my second youth group. It seems like now, my friends seem to be around my age whereas last year I had a few friends my age and a ton of friends a couple years younger than me.
My second youth group is definitely a highlight of my week. In April I started joining Brianna as she went to Southview Alliance youth. We attend the Tuesday night, worship and life group. It’s really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Now I talk to people who normally I would have just smiled at, now we’re friends and I talk to them weekly. It’s also opened my eyes to the real world. The girls in my Bonavista small group (whom I love) seem to have problems with school or maybe a family member to share, meanwhile at Southview the girls have all these boys and friend issues. At Bonavista we’ve all grown up together and are fairly sheltered and naïve meaning many friend issues we have would be within the group. But with Southview it’s very different, those girls aren’t as tightly connected and have completely different worlds.
The biggest Bonavista change took place last Sunday, we were all informed our youth pastor – Ryan – had been laid off. This was a huge shock for all of us, and made many of the youth furious. Ryan had led the team to Mexico I was on, then the first weekend we were home a small group of senior high students and Ryan drove up to Wayne, Alberta. It’s a little ghost town where we camped while attended a youth worship event. It was so much fun. After spending so much time with Ryan, he became more of a mentor than a pastor and the friendships amongst myself, my peers, and him have been strengthened. So hearing he was laid off because of our church’s financial issues was devastating for all of us.
Again, it seems like my world has completely changed over the past year – my friends, my schooling, my family, my dreams – it’s all different now. But all these changes have made me stronger, they’ve pushed me and pulled me in ways I may not have wanted to go, but was grateful for. Life is a continuous journey and although there are major highs and major lows, I’ve really been trying to find joy in all circumstances. Things are going to happen and we may not like them but that won’t stop them. We have to remember God has everything under control and He’s got the master plan in action right now, we just don’t see it. The challenges that we face in life may not all be pleasant but we can learn from each event, and grow through them. I know this isn’t the end of my changing world, soon I’ll graduate and I’ll have to decide what’s next in life. It will be exciting, and scary, but I know God has everything under control and He’s the one guiding me anyways, so it’s all okay!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Prayer
Heavenly Father
(Small by Amanda Falk-->) I just need to get away from me. I just need to find some piece of mind. Caught in this game of unmet expectations. I want to leave it all behind. I want to be small, I want to be just like a child, I want to be quiet in your arms.
Father, please direct my path.
(Just wanna be with you from HSM3 -->) I've got a lot of things I have to do, all these distractions! And my future's coming soon!
God I don't know what I am doing with my life. It seems like one big mess of chaos and decisions. I want it to be pleasing to you and I just wanna follow you God. But I don't know what options are the best way to follow you. Give me directions!
(I'm not that girl from Wicked-->) Don't wish, don't start! Wishing only wounds the heart.
Why do I get into these little states of wanting something I know I can't have? And part of me doesn't even want it. So many things are confusing me God!
(Our hearts to yours by Jay and the Love Birds -->) And I don't wanna be all about what this world's all about. And I wanna be more than this world values me for.
Thank you God for carrying me though all the hard times. You have been so good to me, I love you Father! Thanks for telling me you love me when I need it most, and for pulling me up off my feet when they started to drag.
(Hallelujah Jesus by Monk & Neagle -->) Hallelujah Jesus!!!
I love learning more about you God, thank you for being closer than a brother. Being all that I need, and more! I love learning more about you Father God, help me to keep following you closer and closer every day!
(Can I Have this Dance from HSM3 -->) Take my hand, I'll take the lead. And every turn will be safe with me. Don't be afraid, afraid to fall. You know I'll catch you through it all.
Thank you God, through all uncertainties, you remain!
(Small by Amanda Falk-->) I just need to get away from me. I just need to find some piece of mind. Caught in this game of unmet expectations. I want to leave it all behind. I want to be small, I want to be just like a child, I want to be quiet in your arms.
Father, please direct my path.
(Just wanna be with you from HSM3 -->) I've got a lot of things I have to do, all these distractions! And my future's coming soon!
God I don't know what I am doing with my life. It seems like one big mess of chaos and decisions. I want it to be pleasing to you and I just wanna follow you God. But I don't know what options are the best way to follow you. Give me directions!
(I'm not that girl from Wicked-->) Don't wish, don't start! Wishing only wounds the heart.
Why do I get into these little states of wanting something I know I can't have? And part of me doesn't even want it. So many things are confusing me God!
(Our hearts to yours by Jay and the Love Birds -->) And I don't wanna be all about what this world's all about. And I wanna be more than this world values me for.
Thank you God for carrying me though all the hard times. You have been so good to me, I love you Father! Thanks for telling me you love me when I need it most, and for pulling me up off my feet when they started to drag.
(Hallelujah Jesus by Monk & Neagle -->) Hallelujah Jesus!!!
I love learning more about you God, thank you for being closer than a brother. Being all that I need, and more! I love learning more about you Father God, help me to keep following you closer and closer every day!
(Can I Have this Dance from HSM3 -->) Take my hand, I'll take the lead. And every turn will be safe with me. Don't be afraid, afraid to fall. You know I'll catch you through it all.
Thank you God, through all uncertainties, you remain!
Monday, November 3, 2008
The person you will be tomorrow is the person you allow God to make you today.
~ Author unknown
It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing.
It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.
--Mother Teresa
Jesus is head over heals in love with you. If you dance with Jesus, He’ll let the perfect man cut in [at the perfect time.]
- - Courtney Esau
God’s timing is always perfect, even if we don’t know it at the time.
. Guy from Love Comes Softly #4
~ Author unknown
It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing.
It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.
--Mother Teresa
Jesus is head over heals in love with you. If you dance with Jesus, He’ll let the perfect man cut in [at the perfect time.]
- - Courtney Esau
God’s timing is always perfect, even if we don’t know it at the time.
. Guy from Love Comes Softly #4
Friday, October 17, 2008
Back to the basics
Oh boy it's been forever! 2 days short of 4 months! So lots has happened but I might get to what my summer was like at a later point, but tonight I've got something on my mind. So here it is...
It seems like I've 'done' all the right things. I've been to Africa, built a church in Mexico, I worked at a Bible camp all summer serving for 6-10 hours a day, and taught Sunday School. I love serving and caring for people. I love holding African babies, I love washing dishes, and love just talking to people, hearing what they have to say and how they feel. For me, all that just excites me. Really my heart is in ministry. But my heart and attitude seem to be in different places these days. My mom always told me when we are responsible in the little things, we are rewarded with the big things. I think my life has been slightly reversed.
Like I said I've done the big things, and they've all changed me in some way or another. They have taught me compassion, and flexibility, and mercy, and how to work as a team. But I may have missed some fundamental basics in life. Like my attitude?
I think I became somewhat prideful. I had done so many amazing things, I guess I somewhat thought 'I knew it all', I'm not sure if I was or not? But beginning sometime between the end of camp and getting back into the routine of life I have truly felt fake. I am not sure what, how or exactly when, but my attitude changed.
Now I'm not really going to try to explain it, cause I can't. If you've spent time with me lately maybe you can explain it for me. Tell me how I was acting. But I can say what I've thought about every moment of reflection I've had recently. I am being ignorant, and disrespectful, and hardly compassion. But I don't notice it when I am with the people, only afterwards. So how do I change that? How can I honestly sincerely change my attitude?
Tonight I was at a parent/youth conference called re.verse. Essentially it's two conferences in one - there are speakers for the parents, and a speaker for youth. This weekend they are focusing on three points - Listen, See, Do. Tonight was focused on listening, listening to God's voice. Our speaker said following God doesn't only mean reading your Bible and praying lots, it's listening. (Didn't see that one coming hey? Kidding!) He talked a lot about how we "do" the right stuff holy, Godly, "Good Christian" stuff. So like I've said, I am totally there - I've "done" the right stuff. Well at least the right "big" stuff, but what about the little things?
I just thought of the phrase "are you right with God?" Well honestly no. I'm not, I wish I could say am cause I read my Bible, I pray, I sponsor needy children, I do all this stuff. But when it comes down to it - it's just stuff!
Matthew 22 says... "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'... Now I love the Lord, but I want to focus in on the other part for a moment.
I can easily say I love children in Africa! Holding African babies is hands-down the most rewarding thing I've ever done. But do I love my neighbor? Well let's see - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs... so going over that list:
Am I patient with my friends? Not always, no.
Am I kind to my friends? Well that probably depends on my friend and what they've said or done recently.
Do I envy my friends? Oh yes.
Do I boast? Yup.
Am I proud? Like I've said before, yes! Although it's hard to admit that.
Am I rude? Yup.
Self-seeking? Yeah - I think that's a major issue in my life right now too. I am so wrapped up in my world I miss my friends hearts and hurts.
Am I easily angered? I don't think so?
And do I keep records of wrongs? I've been told yes.
So do I love people? Obviously not the way Christ wants me to. I need to change my attitude towards the people around me. I need to treat them better, and love them, and care for them. I need to focus on the little things in my life, forget I've been to Africa, forget those amazing opportunities I've had. I need to focus on being who God wants me to be and treating others the way they deserve to be treated.
And wow that was a long rant, if you read it all congratulations! Haha, I hope to write again soon. And give an update on how I've been treating others. I am truly deeply sorry to the people I have hurt! And I want to close with a prayerful song:
Hide me now,
Under Your wings.
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar.
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone,
Know his power,
In quiteness and trust.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar.
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
More Than That
No time to spend with You
I wonder if I’m ever gonna change
Here we areWe’ve grown apart
And I know I’m the only one to blame
My heart is dying
‘Cause I’ve been so wrapped up in myself
I’m crying out
I’m desperate for help
And I need You more than ever, so I
Fall to the ground
‘Cause I want to be better
Though You take me as I am
You deserve more than that
New eyes to see You
Better than I ever have before
Ready to be who You made me to be
So with Your loving arms here to catch me,
I will fall to the ground
‘Cause I want to be better
Though You take me as I am
You deserve more than that
‘Cause I want to be better
Though You take me as I am
You deserve more than that
I’m no good on my own
I’ve been here way too long
I’m drawing near
Come meet me here
Save my soul
I fall to the ground
‘Cause I want to be better
Though You take me as I am
I want to give You more, give You more
As I fall to the ground
‘Cause I want to be better
Though You take me as I am
I want to give You more
‘Cause You deserve more than that
More than that
More than that
I want to give You more
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
